I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
