i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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