Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
