i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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