I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
