I can tuck mytits in my pants
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
