I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize