Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
