i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
