He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
