i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize