you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
