a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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