you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
