marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
my poor anus
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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