the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
