Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize