i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
