so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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