And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
