The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
