9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Houston, we have a blender
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
