well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
