hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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