Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I want to be your penis for a week.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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