Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
