he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
