She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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