You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
