you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
