He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
