Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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