So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
