I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
