I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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