I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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