I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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