I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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