Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We are all done wearing pants today
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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