Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
