he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I lost the right to judge tonight
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
