i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
