sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize