and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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