im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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