I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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