ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
