Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
