I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
