oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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