The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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