new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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