Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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