Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
