i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
