so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
