Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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