turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
