ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize