You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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