when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
