The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
