i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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