also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
