he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
