When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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