last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
