awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
