Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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