dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
