I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You have to summon your inner elephant
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
