was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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