Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
