I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
