My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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