Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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