Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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