So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
