3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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