Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
