Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I need to calm my uterus...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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