hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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