he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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