oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
