so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
