I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize