just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
