My cat gives me a boner
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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