I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
