I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
