we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
