After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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