are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize