I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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