I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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