new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Lo siento on account of my penis...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
