i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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